Tag: jokes
member name: Craig Olson
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November 30, 2006 01:34 PM EST --
Why, Why, Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not . . .
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December 07, 2007 02:27 PM EST --
The Philosophy of Ambiguity
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows . . .
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February 25, 2008 12:46 PM EST --
Brain Dysfunction
The only time she's not complaining is when she's asleep. ************************************************************************** Sharon: What are the only . . .
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September 22, 2007 01:25 PM EDT --
LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of . . .
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May 17, 2006 10:53 AM EDT --
Southern Fried
(You know you are in FLORIDA during the summertime when...)
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
Hot water . . .
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April 05, 2008 12:29 PM EDT --
George Carlin on aging!
(Absolutely Brilliant)
George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? . . .
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May 16, 2008 01:16 PM EDT --
The author, who was probably a Qantas employee, had a good reason to be anonymous. He probably would have been fired if he got caught writing this.
Remember it takes a college degree to fly . . .
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June 11, 2008 10:20 AM EDT --
I didn't like the one about Stevie Wonder, but the rest of them were funny. I left the Stevie Wonder one in case others have a different taste. I am a Stevie Wonder fan.
1st Grade Logic . . .
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August 24, 2008 12:49 PM EDT --
Pasta Diet
The Pasta Diet and Your Health
ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS!!
1. You walka pasta da bakery.
2. You walka pasta da candy store.
3. You walka pasta da ice cream . . .
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July 31, 2008 10:55 AM EDT --
Some old, some new and some just way to funny.
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.' . . .
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November 28, 2006 10:57 AM EST --
Short and Funny
I dialed a number and got
the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making . . .
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December 31, 2006 02:51 PM EST --
Politically Correct
Differently-brained -- stupid
Folically independent -- bald
Musically delayed -- tone deaf
Genetically discriminating -- racist
Codependent . . .
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January 05, 2007 02:34 PM EST --
Blonde's Year in Review.
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit . . .
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April 28, 2007 02:39 PM EDT --
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it!" Yogi Berra
**********************************************************
"Nobody comes here any more because it's too crowded." . . .
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June 11, 2007 02:37 PM EDT --
These laws came from an anonymous e-mail.
Laws of Life
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. . . .
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June 12, 2007 10:51 AM EDT --
The most creative rationale for throwing an apple core
out of the car window is-
"It will plant seeds for other trees to grow."
And, of course, our highways are lined with apple trees-- . . .
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June 13, 2007 09:11 AM EDT --
This is another anonymous e-mail that was forwarded to me.
Subject: SENIORS UNDER ATTACK
:
Subject: SENIORS UNDER ATTACK
:
THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! . . .
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August 14, 2007 01:01 PM EDT --
Bragging
My son is Inmate of the Month at the state prison.
I used to go to church religiously.
My daughter is Patient of the Month at the state mental . . .
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April 13, 2006 08:49 AM EDT --
I don't eat frogs legs because I'm afraid I might croak. Also I don't want a frog in my throat. Also I don't want to put a frog in a wheelchair.
. . .
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June 22, 2006 09:12 AM EDT --
I dialed a number and got the following
recording: "I am not available right now, but thank
you for caring enough to call. I am making some
changes in my life. Please leave . . .
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